Saturday, October 18, 2008

I found this tonight.

This was so sweet and I had to add it here. I am a Mom. No matter what anyone says.My children maybe in Heaven now but I will always be their Mommy.

Friday, October 17, 2008

October 17,2008

I never knew how many tears that I could shed over the loss of our babies. I greve each day for our small children who never got to meet us. I still don't undertand why this keeps happening. I should be happy right now. I should be up with my children and cuddleing them on the couch and getting ready to fix lunch for them. Instead I'm still in my pj's sheading more tears for them. All I want is to feel my babies breath on my cheek instead of tears everyday.

I miss you my dear little babies. Your Mommy misses you so much and so does Daddy.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

October 8,2008

We went to the DR. yesterday. He had good news. Everything was fine. All genetic testing came back normal. He said there is nothing genetic causing the miscarriages. I was kinda disappointed tho. I was hoping he would say here is the problem and this is how we fix it.He said he felt the same way. I didn't want anything wrong with me .. I just wanted answers.He gave us the go ahead. Also if we don't get pregnant in a few months Daryl may need the genetic testing also. He is laid off right now and has no insurance. There is no way we could afford all this genetic testing out of pocket.

I did get some information about adoption. We are going to read over it this week and decide if that is what we are going to do.

Some days I dream I go open my front door and someone has left a baby and a note telling us to raise the baby. Everyday I open it and nothing but the stray cat we feed is sitting there.

We want a baby so bad.It is like our family is not complete with out one. My heart aches for a baby. Days get closer to my due date with our last one and I get sad. So sad I want to curl up in a ball and make the world go away. I see babies on TV or on the message board and I get little twinges in my heart. I know I'm suppose to be a Mommy. That is my purpose in life.

Why won't God answer my prayers? I beg him and plead with him. Some days I feel like he has put me on ignore. I know God doesn't do that,it just feels like it some days.

He answers my prayers. He really does. Just not this one. Am I asking to much? Will he take away all the blessings he has given me if he answers this one?

I'll put it out there for everyone to read. God I pray you will bless us with a child to love and to complete our family. I pray you bless our lives with your love and guidance and if a child is not in your plans I pray you help me understand that and you heal my broken heart. Thank you for all you have given to us.We take nothing for granted.