Thursday, October 9, 2008

October 8,2008

We went to the DR. yesterday. He had good news. Everything was fine. All genetic testing came back normal. He said there is nothing genetic causing the miscarriages. I was kinda disappointed tho. I was hoping he would say here is the problem and this is how we fix it.He said he felt the same way. I didn't want anything wrong with me .. I just wanted answers.He gave us the go ahead. Also if we don't get pregnant in a few months Daryl may need the genetic testing also. He is laid off right now and has no insurance. There is no way we could afford all this genetic testing out of pocket.

I did get some information about adoption. We are going to read over it this week and decide if that is what we are going to do.

Some days I dream I go open my front door and someone has left a baby and a note telling us to raise the baby. Everyday I open it and nothing but the stray cat we feed is sitting there.

We want a baby so bad.It is like our family is not complete with out one. My heart aches for a baby. Days get closer to my due date with our last one and I get sad. So sad I want to curl up in a ball and make the world go away. I see babies on TV or on the message board and I get little twinges in my heart. I know I'm suppose to be a Mommy. That is my purpose in life.

Why won't God answer my prayers? I beg him and plead with him. Some days I feel like he has put me on ignore. I know God doesn't do that,it just feels like it some days.

He answers my prayers. He really does. Just not this one. Am I asking to much? Will he take away all the blessings he has given me if he answers this one?

I'll put it out there for everyone to read. God I pray you will bless us with a child to love and to complete our family. I pray you bless our lives with your love and guidance and if a child is not in your plans I pray you help me understand that and you heal my broken heart. Thank you for all you have given to us.We take nothing for granted.


Kira said...

I'm praying for you too, sweetie!

mrskatybug said...

*HUGS* We've BTDT with no answers at the end either - it stinks!

You're in my thoughts and prayers!

Andrea said...

Saying many prayers for you hun!!! and some HUGE Hugs too...I'll continue to pray that God blesses you with a baby soon. In one way or WILL be a mommy and daddy. I'll be working on those cookies soon...they take a lot to make. :)

Melynda said...

Hang in there honey. It will happen. I know it will!

Lisa said...

God has saved a very special baby for you, very special parents. Hang in there. You are a Mommy and soon you'll have a baby in your arms so everyone who sees you will know it.

alohagirl444 said...

I just wanted to let you know I am praying for you. My aunt was your age and tried for years to get pg. She also had a few miscarriages- with the last one telling her she probably will never conceive again. She decided to go ahead with adoption and found out she was pregnant shortly after. The baby was born and she had her own 6 months later. Everything happens for a reason.

Tara said...

Krista, I'm ScienceMommy from Babycenter and I've only checked your blog a couple of times, but I do pray for you. I've had 7 miscarriages, but I'm lucky in that I have 2 healthy children. I had 5 of my miscarriages between ds and dd. We looked into adoption and had a plan in place for the future (we'd keep trying for a couple more years, but if I didn't stay pregnant we were planning an international adoption). Just the fact that I knew I'd be a mom again one way or another really gave me a lot of peace. Anyway, we sang a song at church today that always makes me cry and the words take on a double meaning for me (it's both sad for me and comforting). It's an old song that I don't think many churches sing, so I thought I'd share it:

1) Lord, we know that Thou art near us,
Though Thou seem'st to hide Thy face;
And are sure that Thou dost hear us,
Though no answer we embrace.

Not one promise shall miscarry,
Not one blessing come too late,
Though the vision long may tarry,
Give us patience, Lord to wait.

2) While witholding--Thou art giving,
In Thine own appointed way,
And while waiting we're receiving,
Blessings suited to our day.

O the wondrous loving-kindness,
Planning, working out of sight,
Bearing with us in our blindness,
Out of darkness bringing light.

3) Weaving blessings out of trials,
Out of grief evolving bliss;
Answering prayer by wise denials
When Thy children ask amiss.

And when faith shall end in vision,
And when prayer is lost in praise,
Then shall love, in full fruition,
Justify Thy secret ways.

Tristansmommy said...

I understand how you feel I'm so sorry for your losses, as I know that pain all to well, you're in my prayers in hopes that the Lord will bless your family with a baby!!