The waiting game.

Why does time move so slow when you are waiting on news? It seems like it has been forever since I was at the DR.s last and I still have not received a call from him.

Our family is not complete. We want a baby so bad and we just don't understand why we can't. My heart aches for a child.

I miss our 3 children so much. Christmas morning is so sad here in this home. We sleep in late and we never exchange gifts. Christmas is for children. The thrill is seeing what Santa has left. Santa does not stop at our house. I pray next year he will be able to stop. I pray God will give us a child to love and care for. We know something is missing in our lives. It is the sounds our our babies laughing playing on Christmas morning. Seeing their eyes light up when they see Santa's footprints that have been left on the carpet by the fireplace. The half ate carrots that Rudolf only had time to eat. The frantic phone calls to the Grandparents to tell them what was left for them.

Why? Why are we left out? Why was we chosen to have our babies born in heaven? Why couldn't God let us keep one of them? Why did he take them all away?

Would we have been that bad of parents?

I guess only time will tell. Till then it is back to the waiting game.

Update on Dr. Appt.

Well I went back to my Obgyn on Dec.5th. We talked for a bit and he decided to get all my blood work from my Oncologist so he can go over what he did. He said we would talk next week about what meds he would put me on. I think he is hoping that the test the Oncologist did would help answer why I keep miscarrying. I told him the Dr. said he didn't see anything but he said there was a chance he might have not realized a result from a test was the answer to the whole big question.. WHY?

I feel in my heart we will have a new baby in our arms this time next year. I can feel this deep down. One way or another. God will answer so many prayers that have been sent up. He has to,Right?

I want to Thank all my Internet "Sisters" who have tried to make this dream of ours come true. I never knew so many people cared about two people they have never met in real life so much. We have truly been blessed by all of you and Our baby will be so lucky to have so many Aunts.

I am lucky to have so many sisters. From the kind words that have been sent and the "gifts" I know how much we are loved and how everyone wants to see us happy.

All of you will be blessed in your own lives. You don't meet special people like all of you everyday. I am so lucky for having you in my life.