Thursday, September 18, 2008

August 10,2005

I had a Dr. appt. and when the Dr. did another ultrasound he could not find a heartbeat. I made him look 3 times. I could not believe this. We had tried for so long and why was God taking our baby away from us. The Dr. told me we could go and have a D&C that afternoon or we could do a drug called Cycotec. I opted for the drug. I did not want to end up in the hospital and have to explain to everyone why I was there. I made the wrong choice. The Cycotec put me into labor. I was having contractions every 5 mins. Then every 3 min. Then when I was at 2 mins I told Daryl I didn't feel well. I stood up and gushed blood. He then called my DR. and he said to get me to the ER now. We went and I was admitted. The meds started me to hemorrhage. I was in so much pain and loosing blood and had no baby to show for all of this.

I came home the next day and made the phone calls I never thought I would have to make. Daryl's side of the family was so great. They called and made sure I was ok. His Mom was living in Florida at the time she was so hurt she couldn't be here for us.

My family was totally different. They told me it was for the best. With my weight I probably couldn't carry it anyway and Something must have been wrong with it anyway or I wouldn't have lost it. My heart was broke. I didn't need to hear that. I just lost my baby. The baby I thought I would never have and was so excited to be carrying. I know they didn't mean it. They just said what they thought I needed to hear.

I cried for days and slept a lot. I hated going back to the Dr. office because it was full of happy ladies who had their babies safe inside. I questioned God a lot. I asked why I was being punished. Then I begged him to give my baby back.

It took 2 years but God listened.

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