Thursday, September 18, 2008

May 2007

I woke up one morning just not feeling right. I knew something was up. I ran to the bathroom and grabbed one of the many HPT that I had and peed. I was so afraid to look. As soon as I saw 2 lines I came and posted on the Bargain Board. I knew if there was 2 lines the ladies there would see it. Sure enough they saw them also. I was so happy. I called my Dr. and got in that morning for a blood test. It was Positive! I was only about 3 weeks along and everything looked good. I was told to come back in 3 weeks for an ultrasound. She said it was to soon to see anything and all it would do was worry me. So off I went. I was busting at the seams when Daryl came home from work. I showed him the HPT and his jaw drooped.We decided to keep this one a secret till after I was 6 weeks.

I went for my ultrasound and nothing could be found but the sac and fetal pole. No heartbeat again. My heart sank. Dr. told me not to worry that sometimes you can have and ultrasound one day and not see anything and the next see it all. I was told to come back at 8 weeks. She didn't give me my pic that time. She said we would have a better one in 2 weeks. I was ok with that.

June 7th was Daryl's Mom's birthday. We decided to wrap up a few baby things and see if she could figure it out. She had moved back from Florida by then. She was so happy. She cried and couldn't wait to go with us to see her grand baby.My parents were a little happy this time. I think they realized they hurt my feelings real bad. Don't get me wrong they weren't jumping for joy but they seemed happy for us. We told them on June 10th.

All was well until 3 days before my next appt. I started spotting. Not much just a little and I called the Dr. office. They said if it wasn't heavy just wait till I was suppose to come in. That was on a Friday. June 17th Fathers day We lost our second baby.

I was so sad for Daryl. My heart broke for him. I was hurting but his baby died on Fathers day.

This time I was so angry. Why did this happen again? What did I do that was so bad I had to be punished?

We went thru tests then. No one could tell me why this happened again. They said it is just something that happens and we don't always know why. I wanted to know why. Why me? Why Daryl?

We questioned if we should even be together. Maybe this was Gods way of telling us we wasn't right for each other. It took a toll on us. We almost split. I was angry and I took it out on him. I shouldn't have but He was here.

We took some time off and said we wasn't gonna try again. We got fooled!

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